who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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