Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
