It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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