I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
