I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
