You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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