I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
