You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
