i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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