Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
