I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
