This is not my ceiling
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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