Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
