girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
