With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
