So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
there is glitter all over my balls
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