He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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