i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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