I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
