did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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