My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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