i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
