whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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