i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
