Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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