he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
