before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
