So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
