so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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