Me too!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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