70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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