At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
