in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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