Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
