How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
