if i can run in heels then i can drive
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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