If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
