we have pet lesbian snakes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
