So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
