I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
