I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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