Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
