I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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