never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
