you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
