I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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