she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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