i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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