yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
