he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
